I always knew in my heart there was a reason we humans are here on Earth and it troubled me that no one seemed to know why. I knew my physical body and mind were too complex to be a random accident and the natural world around me was too sophisticated to be merely happenstance.
An earnest desire to understand where I came from led me to search for the meaning of life. Because I had received unfruitful models of Christianity growing up, I knew the Christian God was just a myth, not something to actually be followed. So, I began my search, looking everywhere and anywhere – except to Christ – for the reason for my existence.
Feeling Lost
During my teenage years, a sense of dread came over me as I failed to find meaning. I became obsessed with death and considered ending my life. I simply did not want to live without knowing why.
Every interaction of every day felt meaningless, trivial and empty. I was a pessimist, but never an atheist. During these dark days there was a glimmer of hope within me that knew a great designer created me and that I was part of that design. I determined death was out of the question because if I was no longer alive, I would never find the contentment of realizing my source of life.
Eventually, I came up with a plausible theory for my existence – the universe created itself, then created us, and we are one with cosmic consciousness. I concluded that morality was relative and part of a dogmatic control system forced upon us by institutions. The only limitations that could be imposed on me were those I imposed on myself. My actions did not have consequences simply because I did not see any.
My self-authored philosophy got me through some dark days but ultimately did not satisfy. I still had a deep longing to be connected to my source of life. I tried to fit myself mentally into my new philosophy like fitting a square peg into a round hole, but the truth was I didn’t completely believe it.
I thought the problem was me, not my philosophy, so I began to practice meditation in an effort to turn off the part of myself that failed to find enlightenment. But it only made me feel more disconnected and further from finding an answer.
Does Morality Exist?
After two decades of searching and battling depression, I found myself at a Hollywood party in Los Angeles. After working in the entertainment industry for years, I’d been to many of these lavish parties before but something was different this time.
There was something especially shallow about the decadent display of materialism and vanity that struck me in a way it hadn’t before. As I gazed across the scene, a thought rose up from within me that said, “this is immoral.”
What? I don’t believe in morality. Where did that come from? But I knew it came from within me. For days afterward, I couldn’t stop thinking about this thought. I woke up thinking about it. I went to sleep thinking about it. I could no longer focus at work. A co-worker noticed the change in my mood and asked me about it.
“I can’t stop thinking about morality,” I said.
“You should read the Bible,” she replied.
“No – I’m not doing that. I already know it’s just a myth.”
But she was persistent. Every day, she would stop by my desk to encourage me. Finally I acquiesced, simply because I had nothing else to turn to.
In a quiet place, I pulled out my phone and clicked on a Bible website. A single verse popped up on the screen:
“In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God’s promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence…”
2 Peter 1:5 (NLT)
It’s almost impossible to believe, but in that moment, I clearly understood what I had been searching to know my whole life – the God of the Bible created us, gave us a moral code, and it’s written for us in his word. Absolute morality exists, absolutely, and Jesus is the author.
I didn’t expect this realization to sit well with my peers, to them it would look as if I’d lost my mind. But I didn’t care. I finally found my missing puzzle piece – and it was Jesus. I wanted everyone to know. All at once it seemed, almost every friend I had became hostile when I shared the news.
Many of them lashed out at me publicly on social media. The attacks were so bad I chose to delete all of my accounts. In addition, not long after coming to Christ, the COVID-19 pandemic of 2020 arrived. Suddenly, I found myself alone, in lockdown, and ready to build a new life in the Lord. I began to read the Bible.
Head Covering Conviction
That summer, when I read 1 Corinthians 11, I was convicted to wear a head covering. I simply read the passage and understood that it was something I should do. But I had never seen it in practice.
In Los Angeles, I had seen Orthodox Jewish women wear them, as well as Sikh and Muslim women, but they were not Christians. I had also heard of Amish and Mennonite women who wore them as a cultural practice, but they were not really Christians – right?
I assumed there would be a good reason why Christian women didn’t wear them. All I had to do was find it. I thought it would be simple.
Asking Questions, Finding Answers
The first place I went to for answers, was my newly found evangelical church. I was shocked by the responses I received. No one had a valid reason why the women in their church don’t wear head coverings. I was given answers like:
“It was only for a specific time in Corinth.”
“Men might use head coverings to abuse their power over women.”
“It’s up to the elders to decide.”
”It just isn’t attractive.”
But the most hurtful response I received, was that I was young in my faith and too immature in my Christian walk to understand.
I was not convinced. I wanted to see evidence supporting these theories for myself. So, I embarked upon my own research journey. After discovering the teachings of the Anabaptists – specifically the Mennonites, I finally found answers. They all confirmed there is no reason why Christian women should not wear head coverings today.
A Research Journey
Although the research I’ve done is by no means exhaustive, the reasons for head covering included on this site are the ones that, to me, were the most compelling. My aim in providing this information is to guide you on your own research journey.
I would like to encourage you to pray and to visit other resources. I have included some links to books or videos when applicable, as well as a resource list, and will continue to add more as they become available.
Please approach this collection of writings with an open mind and open heart, and allow scripture to speak to you along with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I pray this information will be a blessing you, as well as to those around you, and that you, too, can discover the simple joy of donning a head covering in faithful obedience.
“Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.”
Matthew 5:19 (KJV)
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